TJ Apr. 28, 2012

Sat. Apr. 28:   I wanted to post today about my practice for the last few days....IT'S SUCKED!!! hahahaha.  In fact, I could barely get through simply standing in bear posture, did about half of bitter-pill and loosening exercises before losing my mind and all that stuff, wanted to pull my hair out.  I wanted to write about it specifically for you Michael, so you can see that it still happens, haha, all the time!  Just a week or so ago, I couldn't do anything wrong (in my eyes) in training.  Everything was on point, it was 'great'.  The last few days... just the opposite.  I take my day into my training a lot, bringing tension, worry, baggage, etc.  and that's NOT present, formless, or neutral. 

It's easy for me to get caught up in the physical techniques, the body, etc.  But I must not ever forget that I Liq Chuan is mental-physical-fist, with 'mental' being the first of the name.  Without being present, formless and neutral I cannot do this work, I cannot be aware and I cannot recognize.  Hell, I can't even settle down enough to even begin to simply stand there properly, much less do any type of movements.  The truth is... my last three days practice didn't 'suck'... and the week before wasn't 'great'.  It's just training, at different levels of awareness.... and it's not for me to decide which was better or worse, or good or bad, etc.  All that's for me to do is train, with an open-awareness, present, formless and neutral.  Furthermore, there are things happening within me, due to the specific nature of the training and how it is structured by Sifu, that I am not aware of and wouldn't understand anyway if they were explained to me... and those things are undergoing process too.  Maybe some of that process is a little bit of bitter in the body for a while during some transition.... I have no idea, but I don't need one right now, I just need to train.